dailydoseofdylanmoran / (via ebbzorlifishicationizor)

I HATE YOU SO MUCH IT GIVES ME ENERGY.

dailydoseofdylanmoran:

letmeeatpears:

Q: What was you favourite sport as a child?
Dylan Moran: International coughing, sometimes with jumps

dailydoseofdylanmoran / neonloneliness / letmeeatpears

Dylan Moran: Monster (2004)

dailydoseofdylanmoran:

neonloneliness:letmeeatpears:

Horrible stuff

Dylan Moran: Like, Totally (2006)

"Who has the time, though? Who really has the time to skin the baby rabbit and dip it in the duck’s tears and nail it to the garden roof and get to work with the blowtorch so that it has just the right texture so it matches the tomatoes you squashed that morning with just your elbows— who has the time? Nobody lives like this. We go around thinking everybody else does, you know? Cause what happens is you come in from work, you think maybe, at most, if you’re getting very adventurous you will think ‘Tonight! We will eat something that has two colors in it.’ But you don’t! You end up sitting in front of the television watching these programs eating bread, from the bag, dipping it in anything runnier than bread."  - Dylan Moran [on the pressure of living up to cooking programs] (via jonquille)
I make things with more than two colors in it! (via killmotion)

(via killmotion)

quicksilvermad:

from “Like, Totally.” 

(via dailydoseofdylanmoran)

dailydoseofdylanmoran:

letmeeatpears:

What i’ll tell my kids, idgaf

Dylan Moran: What It Is (2009)

dailydoseofdylanmoran: (via ohne)

dailydoseofdylanmoran: letmeeatpears:

Dylan Moran: What It Is (2009)

swallowedabug:

Arnold Schwarzenegger is the governor of California. There’s a perfectly ordinary English sentence. How did that happen!? Do you know how that happened? ‘Cause I’ll tell you. Do you know how he got into that position? He got there by lifting things. Now, you and me, we avoid lifting things. It’s unpleasant, especially heavy things. Even a five-year-old child knows this. He’ll go “No, ha ha, fuck it, no, I’ll go and stick Lego up my arse, I’m not doing that, no no.” He took a different approach. He lifted the heavy… and you know, you lift something if you have to. Piano falls on granny, you lift the piano… ‘cause Granny has mixed feelings about the whole situation. Sunday lunch continues. He didn’t do any of that. He went over to the heavy thing, and lifted it, and put it back down and didn’t move it anywhere… and then he did it again, hundreds of times, and he said to people who stopped to observe this aberrant behaviour, “Look how good I am… at lifting the heavy thing, in my underpants.” Now that may seem a little dim. But it was they who said “You’re the man. You’re the one we want to deal with immigration, and water rates, and taxes, and all that kinda shit.” But wait—what we need to know is, how bad was his predecessor at that job? This must’ve been someone who came to work covered in children’s blood every morning.

Dylan Moran on Arnold Schwarzenegger.